The Census Cycle

From my most recent email from census headquarters:

"Ride your bikes with census information signs - this has worked in Kansas City and who knows could work in your town."

Well, if you say so...

So, on this bee-you-tee-ful Easter Monday, I took my boys on a bike ride to Sonic and the park. Our family will be going on a lot more bike rides this spring.

Happy Easter!

This just in: The Test has been appearing at local malls dressed as an extremely creepy Easter Bunny, getting his picture taken with children, and scarring them for life.

He must be stopped. Call. Take the test. Defeat him.

I hope that you, like this little girl, can be impervious to his evil and were able to enjoy the day with your family!

U.S. Census Book Club: The Moviegoer

Hmmmm...

It has been several months since I've read anything of real significance, a book that really has some meat to it. The Moviegoer is one of Time magazine's Top 100 novels of the 20th century, so that sounds prestigious right? It won the National Book Award in 1961. Again, very nifty, aye? Excerpts from the back cover: "In his portrait of a New Orleans stockbroker, wavering between ennui and the longing for redemption...", "On the eve of his thirtieth birthday, Binx Bolling is adrift." And that is the problem with this book, and any other book where the main character is "adrift". It lacks an anchor. The narrative wanders from moment to moment, but nothing really happens, and if it does, it has no lasting significance. My heart didn't really connect to the story. I'm not going to pretend that I understood everything in this novel. But I can understand why Walker Percy is considered such a gifted writer. He speaks of truth, we live in a society adrift, a culture where people identify more with Angelina Jolie than with their next door neighbor. But it is sort of a downer to read about that truth for 240 pages.

Walker Percy should have ended up like Ernest Hemingway. He was haunted by the fact that his grandfather, father and mother all comitted suicide. Percy loved reading Kierkegaard's existentialist philosophy and Dostoevsky's cheery novels. But the saving grace in Percy's life was a college roommate who rose early every morning to attend Daily Mass. Inspired by this example, Percy converted to Catholicism and decided to become a writer instead of a doctor, writing that he would study the pathology of the soul rather than that of the body.

I think this blogger writes a great essay on Percy so if you'd like to know more, read there. I like especially the quote he found about writers being like canaries in a coal mine. This helped me understand Percy a little better.

I'll leave you with some of the more sublime sentences from The Moviegoer, my dogeared pages.

p. 7 "I subscribe to Consumer Reports and as a consequence I own a first-class television set, and all but silent air conditioner and a very long lasting deoderant. My armpits never stink."

p. 74 "I have discovered that most people have no one to talk to, no one, that is, who really wants to listen. When it does dawn on a man that you really want to hear about his business, the look that comes over his face is something to see."

p. 162 "Lonnie takes his money with his pronged fingers and sets about putting it into his wallet, a bulky affair with an album of plastic envelopes filled with holy cards."

p. 215 "(I have observed that it is no longer possible for one young man to speak unwarily to another not known to him, except in certain sections of the South and the West, and certainly not with a book in his hand.)"

p. 240 "Only the two girls are sad, but they are also secretly proud of having caught onto the tragedy."

The Test's Weekly Evildoings

If you're new to this blog, then you might have missed the mystery that surrounds The Test. He is our monacled villain that pops up now and then to strike a sense of vague discomfort into our hearts. All week, reports have been coming in from concerned readers of the cruel actions The Test has been reveling in. I have artistically compiled them here, with the help of Microsoft Paint, so you can get a better idea of how serious a threat The Test is.

The Test's Villainous Deeds for the Week of March 28-Apr. 3

Made a salad using iceberg lettuce.

Telepathically forced you to snooze your alarm clock three times, making you late for work.

Voted for Tim Urban.

Gave a nerd a wedgie.

Held an Easter egg hunt where all plastic eggs filled with peanut brittle.

Spit out wad of chewing gum in parking lot.

Strangled a kitten.

Ran inside to buy a 44 oz. fountain drink and a Skor candy bar after filling his car with gas and left his car parked at the pump instead of pulling forward, even though you've been waiting patiently behind him already for 5 minutes.

Bought Justin Bieber's new CD.

Something must be done about The Test. The only way to defeat him is if more people take the test that qualifies them to become a U.S. Census worker. Please hurry and call 1-866-861-2010. Schedule a time to take the test in an area near you and help stop these foul events. Who knows what else he might do this week.

Which TGIF Show Would Yield the Best Census Workers?

I am a very tangential thinker. So yesterday, the combination of putting up that Perfect Strangers video and seeing an April Fools ad on abc.com for a new updated TGIF line-up (The shows you grew up on have grown up too! Tune in Friday night for “Empty House, Man Meets World, Sabrina the 30-Something Witch and Retirin’ with Mr. Cooper!) was enough to get my noggin thinking about the glory days of my favorite night of television as a child. "It's Friday night! And the moooooodd is right! Gonna have some fun! Show you how it's done! TGIF!" Sigh. Sigh again.

Thus I’ve posed the above question so I could do the research and gather it into one place. For you. Because that is what Census Guy does. I do all the searching, so you don’t have to. I stayed up late last night scouring YouTube for theme songs and Wikipedia for info, so I could be prepared to type this up in the morning, when my brain was refreshed.

So let's begin.

Oberservations:

1. Judging by this gallery of “Where are They Now?” almost any of the child actors could really use some extra money. They might consider the census “beneath them” but it is certainly better than the alternatives. Yes, I’m speaking to you, Judy Winslow.

2. It is just a tad alarming how much some of these shows have ingrained themselves in my memory. Here are a few questions, to see if you too have TGIF trivia taking up precious brain cells that could be used to remember your children’s birthdays: 1. What was the name of the Tanner family’s dog? 2. What was the name of the nerdy kid on the first season of Boy Meets World? (Who some mean-spirited sixth-graders decided would be a good nickname for me because we had similar haircuts.) 3. Can you do a close proximity of the “Dance of Joy”? If you can answer all those questions, immediately flush out your brain with an episode of Freaks and Geeks.

3. What is especially disturbing is how much the music gets stuck in my head. Some of it is just lurking there, waiting to spawn again. For example, last night in my research I came across this simple fact: “Jesse and the Rippers had a hit with the song “Forever” which Jesse sang to Rebecca at their wedding.” And immediately, what pops into my brain, but the refrain to this song, which had apparently been waiting latent in my brain for 22 years.



Lori Loughlin deserves an Emmy for keeping a straight face when the gospel choir walks in.

Some of you might even remember the music video that was created for this song. But I’m not posting it here because it features a bare baby’s butt and John Stamos making a frightening amount of sexy-eyes.

4. And of course, the theme songs. I have had Mr. Cooper’s theme in my head ALL MORNING. It is just so catchy.

  

5. Something I didn’t realize though was that the Full House, Perfect Strangers, Family Matters and Step by Step theme songs are all written and sung by the SAME GUY. Listen for yourself if you don’t believe me and send a thank you letter to Jesse Frederick for providing the soundtrack to your childhood.

 

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

 

5. Grandma Winslow’s reading choice is so much funnier to me now. 

6. There are some naysayers when it comes to Wikipedia, but their extensive and thorough entries on the TGIF line-up is very impressive. Encyclopedia  Brittanica has nothing on Sister, Sister OR Baby Talk.

 7. Does anybody else remember this show: On Our Own: The series centered on seven brothers and sisters (all of whom's names start with "J") in the O'Fallon Park neighborhood of St. Louis who lose their parents and are being raised by the eldest brother, Josh Jerrico. The early episodes focused on the siblings attempting to not be split up by authorities. This lead to Josh, the eldest brother who was trying to raise the family alone, to dress in drag and pose as older guardian, Aunt Jelcinda (also known as "Mama J"), to fool their case worker, Alana Michaels. Alana quickly sees through the charade, but decides to help the family stay together. That was a great show.

8. Did anybody else hate Dinosaurs? 

9. Did anybody else almost skip a birthday party at the roller skating rink because they didn’t want to miss the episode of Family Matters where Rachel’s diner burnt down? 

10. Time to answer the question. So which TGIF show would produce the best batch of census workers? I feel confident saying: Boy Meets World. Cory and Topanga are probably starting a family by now and could use some extra money. (And Topanga totally has the sympathy to correctly spell people’s bizarre names.) Big brother Eric and best friend Shawn no doubt could use some more cash to spend on hair products to continue maintaining their glossy waterfall helmets. And Mr. Feeny is exactly the type of responsible senior citizen I’ve been looking for. His teaching position clears the way for him to accept this perfect summer job.

Reason #2: Flexible

My position as a recruiting assistant has been the most flexible job I've ever had. I make my own hours. I am on strict orders to NEVER work over 40 hours, and on a not so strict suggestion that I should work at least 5 every week. But as long as I get some time in a few days after school, or one day over the weekend, I'm good to go for the minimum. The real challenge is trying to get as many hours in as I can, considering this is a second job and I have certain commitments that have to come first with teaching. Every day I work, I fill out my timesheet with my hours, fax it in. At the end of the week, I mail them all those timesheets as well as a worksheet that explains what I did each day. "Sat at Alco. Sat at IGA. Put up posters. Worked on blog."

I imagine the census taker position that many people will be filling this summer will also be VERY flexible. They want people who will be available to work evening hours, when people are at home. So I think this job would be ideal for a number of people: 1. College students home for summer break, often its hard to find a job for only 3 months. Well, the government wants you! 2. Senior citizens with a little bit of extra time on their hands and a desire for a little extra income. 3. People who are looking for an easy second job to supplement their income. Especially teachers! 4. Stay-at-home moms who would like a job where they make their own hours and so they'd only work once Dad is home to take over with the kiddos. Think about it!

On a final note, before I started typing this, I says to myself, "What picture or video could accompany this article to make it a little more interesting?" So I googled "flexible" (with SafeSearch on, mind you!) and I got a lot of contortionists. Same thing on YouTube. Yes, they are interesting, but in a totally freakish way. I can't view them without feeling nauseous at what they are doing to their silly putty, joint popping bodies. So, you got a drinking straw. It's late. I'm tired.

3 YouTube Videos and How They Relate to the Census

I just saw this one today. While very amusing, I worry it could lead to future census confusion for this young lad. It is never too early to instill in your child their correct gender and marital status, so they can check the appropriate boxes on the census.



"Here it goes again!" It's a calendar year that is divisible by 10, so it's time to get out and count people! The U.S Census is a huge undertaking that requires precision, coordination and communication between all the census workers. Honestly, I cannot think of a better visual analogy for the U.S. Census than 4 men performing choreographed acrobatics on treadmills.



The connection to the census on this one is so obvious, I don't think I even need to explain it, do I? Yeah, I didn't think so. It is so obvious how a census worker is like a "perfect stranger" to all the people they meet in their line of duty, but together, we end up, no longer strangers, but "together we will stand tall on the wings of a shared dream." So beautiful. I can also totally relate with this feral cat's disappointment when no one commented on his online video. I too feel so compressed when no one comments. Luckily, I have been gifted with a plethora of comments this week, so thank you to all you friends who took pity on me!

This has been enjoyable. I think I will turn this into a weekly ritual. We'll call it THURSDAY THREE! Or if I procrastinate: FRIDAY FIVE! Sounds catchy and exciting, aye? Any YouTube suggestions for next week?