If you're new to this blog, then you might have missed the mystery that surrounds The Test. He is our monacled villain that pops up now and then to strike a sense of vague discomfort into our hearts. All week, reports have been coming in from concerned readers of the cruel actions The Test has been reveling in. I have artistically compiled them here, with the help of Microsoft Paint, so you can get a better idea of how serious a threat The Test is.
The Test's Villainous Deeds for the Week of March 28-Apr. 3
Made a salad using iceberg lettuce.
Telepathically forced you to snooze your alarm clock three times, making you late for work.
Voted for Tim Urban.
Gave a nerd a wedgie.
Held an Easter egg hunt where all plastic eggs filled with peanut brittle.
Spit out wad of chewing gum in parking lot.
Strangled a kitten.
Ran inside to buy a 44 oz. fountain drink and a Skor candy bar after filling his car with gas and left his car parked at the pump instead of pulling forward, even though you've been waiting patiently behind him already for 5 minutes.
Bought Justin Bieber's new CD.
Something must be done about The Test. The only way to defeat him is if more people take the test that qualifies them to become a U.S. Census worker. Please hurry and call 1-866-861-2010. Schedule a time to take the test in an area near you and help stop these foul events. Who knows what else he might do this week.
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